Beer is the Answer...I Don't Remember the Question: And Over 1,000 Other Bar Jokes, Quotes and Cartoons (Bartender Magazine)
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The best bar jokes you can've never remembered!
From the publisher of Bartender magazine comes this incomparable collection of bar jokes, quotes and cartoons that are sure to make you appear witty and charming at the life of your next cocktail party.
Wow your drinking buddies and impress your dates with such clever and entertaining hilarious quips as:
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
"I saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry," so I've started."
"Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin."
Ray Foley has been a bartender for more than 20 years. He is the publisher of Bartender magazine and the author of Bartending for Dummies. He has appeared on Good Morning America, Live with Regis and Kathie Lee and countless other shows. Ray resides in New Jersey with his wife and partner, Jaclyn.
the fellow, "If you were in my condition. you'd miss. " tU 8UIIISTUUSY[II "Now go. cat. go! But don't you step on my blue suede shoes. You can do anything but lay off my blue suede shoes. You can steal my car. drink my liquor from an old fruit jar. You * can do anything you want to do. But don't you step on my blue suede shoes." -"Blue Suede Shoes" Returnmg from a trip to Europe, Mark Twam became annoyed as a customs official rummaged through Ills baggage. "My good mend, • the author
time I saw you, you had both hands." "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a swordfight and my hand was cut off, but Doc fixed me up with a hook and I feel great, really. " "Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes." "One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye." "You're kidding," said tbe bartender. "You couldn't have lost an eye just from
been advised by his doctor that if he did not give up whiskey it would shorten his life. "Think so?" asked McGee. "! am sure of it, McGee. If you stop drinking, I am sure it will prolong your life." "Come to thmk of it, I believe you are right about that, doctor," replied McGee. "I went twenty-four days without a drink a year ago, and I never put in such a long day in my life." "Beauty is only a light switch away." -Perkins Library. Duke University, Durham, NC "You're too good for him." -Sign
alcohol. violence. or insanity to anyone. but they've always worked for me." -HunterS. Thompson If 21 DUIUS T11UISW[l\ Two brothers came into my bar for a drink. They ordered two drinks and one brother asked, "How much?" I said two dollars, so he put two bottle caps on the bar and went to the men's room. His brother told me not to worry because his brother had just come from the outhouse and that he would pay the check. A little later he asked for the bill and I told him again, two dollars.
lrnow what you do for a livmg. You're a hooker. " Though startled, she answered, " How on earth did you lrnow?" Same answer, " Well, I'm just a smart bartender." She recouped her composure and asked, " My God, is there anything you don't lrnow? " "Well, yes " our !nend replled, "I've always wondered, do hookers have babies?" She never batted an eyelash. "SUre," she scud. "Where do you think all the smart bartenders oome hom?" -WAU Cot.D&AN. TX J 'JJ-\ !R-....k. cAt Gu..u- .... 37 "Drunkenness