Out of Whack
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
From the author of How to Rescue a Dead Princess comes Out of Whack, an outrageous comedy about friendship, love, following your dreams, and other really scary stuff. Seth Trexler has two goals in life: to find success with his off-the-wall sketch comedy troupe, and to win the girl of his dreams. But when you suffer from brain-erasing stage fright and an incredible female-phobia, those goals can be a bit tricky to attain. With his best friend Travis at his side, Seth struggles to overcome his fears (along with the 2,873 other roadblocks in the path to success) in this hilariously demented yet heartfelt tale. But don't read it for the laughs. And don't read it for the heartfelt parts. Read it for the sex scene, which proves that even if you're filled with ravenous animal passion, trying to dramatically tear off somebody's underwear can only lead to wedgies.
The name of Seth Trexler was going to be in print for all of America to see! If Mr. Garrett spelled it right. I let out the breath I’d been holding for the past few sentences. A couple of flying insects dropped to the ground, writhing in agony. I rushed into the living room waving the letter. “He’s going to publish my story! Now my weirdness is justified!” “Oh, that’s wonderful!” my mom exclaimed, standing up and giving me a big hug. “I always knew you’d be successful, even if what you write
walls were the least appealing yellow color I’d ever seen, and the custodians hadn’t quite been able to remove the words “This Place Sucks!” that were spray-painted on the ceiling. For some reason that I’m thankful remains a mystery to this day, there was a pubic hair taped to the dresser. “Sort of lacks that welcoming feeling, doesn’t it?” I commented. Mrs. Darrow had turned a disturbing white color. She looked at Travis and clenched her hands into tight little fists. “Sweetheart, are you
unusual. The kiss thing is, I think, but not the virginity.” “You’re loving every second of this conversation, aren’t you?” “There’s nothing wrong with not having kissed anyone,” said Laura in a tender voice. “It makes you special.” “It does not. It makes me a female-phobic wimp.” “Have you ever asked a girl if you could kiss her?” “Laura, I’ve had one date in my life, and that was four years ago, and it ended with a six car pile-up on the freeway! The emergency room didn’t seem like quite
reconsideration I’ve decided that kissing you is about as much fun as kissing a cold turd,” I was going to react in a mature fashion. She walked into the student union, and I waved her over to the table in the back where I was seated. “Hello,” she said, sliding into the seat across from me. “Hi.” “You sound kind of down. Is something wrong?” “Nope, everything’s fine.” “You don’t look like everything’s fine. Listen, I didn’t ask you to meet me so I could say we should just be friends. Some
frantic. “What if they were in an accident? Or what if Kirk has become some kind of serial killer? What if he’s got this twisted evil that’s eating him up inside, and the only thing that can release it is to kill those who humiliated him back in high school?” I had this sudden vision of Kirk standing in his bathroom, breathing deeply and wiping sweat from his forehead as he gazes at his reflection. The Voices are about to torment him again. He can feel them writhing inside his head, stirring