The Last Detective Alive

The Last Detective Alive

John Swartzwelder

Language: English

Pages: 165

ISBN: 0982273622

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


One of a series of comedy/science fiction novels featuring slow-witted detective Frank Burly, by John Swartzwelder, the writer of 59 episodes of The Simpsons.

(Unfortunately, no plot summary available anywhere I can find. I'll write one after I've read it.)

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raspberry wasn’t bad either, and hey, what’s this pink stuff over here, I bounced extra hard off of one of the walls, veered off at an angle through an opening in the side of the tube, flew end over end through the air and landed on my back in a field. I got to my feet and looked around. I had no idea where, or when, I was, but I saw there was a cluster of buildings off in the distance, so I started heading that way. It turned out to be a fairly large town, made up of rudimentary gray buildings

done. And that I had enlisted the Evil One’s aid to not only turn her into a little girl, but also to make one of the goats in town smell bad. The goat was brought in to back up her story, which it did masterfully. “Looks like I’m a witch, all right,” I said, scratching my head. This was all news to me, but I couldn’t deny the facts. There was the little girl. And the Governor of Connecticut was nowhere to be seen. And the goat smelled just as bad as she said it would. “You admit you are a

fugitive chasing tips, and always yelling: “Get him! Get him!” to Lt. Gerard. But he never did. And I never caught my fugitive either. It was our trip over Niagara Falls—my barrel, complete with siren, chasing his barrel—and the subsequent bouncing of my barrel out of the river, down the freeway, and into the middle of that Grand Championship Demolition Derby And Pile-Driver Exhibition, that finally ended the chase, landed me in the hospital, and put me in this coma you’ve been reading about.

enough to be fed through a hose, but they said I wasn’t that well yet. Well then, I said, how about putting the tube in my mouth, where food goes, instead of the stupid place you’ve been putting it? For doctors, you guys sure don’t know much about the human body. They said be quiet now. I also don’t like the hospital gowns they make you wear. There’s something undignified about having no back to your pants. When it comes to pants, the back is one of the things you want most. The gown I had to

of the scientists about overpopulation—the warnings that mankind had ignored for so long, with such great success—were starting to come true. As the flood of people into 2010 increased, the opening in the time tube widened and entire time periods started squeezing out. I almost got hit on the head by Revolutionary France, if you can believe it. Then, as if in an attempt to top that, the Paleozoic Era spewed out of the tube, ran into the Roaring 20’s, fell over, and killed a guy. It’s true. I saw

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